The waiting game


I’m in the line of the damned. My hands are bound. Every inch of me quivers. To my left the execuctioner sharpens his blade. Tears begin to slide down my face. A pool of blood has accumulated at his feet. A million conversations and faces pass through the screen in my mind. Fear and regret are clouding my thoughts. How did I end up here? I am being beckoned. I kneel and lower my head. In a moment I am trapped wondering if he’ll swing and end it. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. A single tear runs down my cheek. What will happen on the other side? What is my fate? My breath hitches and I wait.


My most intimate love and hate relationship

As a writer and lover of the written word, I obviously have strong emotions concerning words. What are words? Words are a magical thing. 26 letters formed in billions of patterns that can shape everything about us. They tell about our dreams. Our fears. They tell us about ourselves. Written or spoken words are powerful but in the end they are really nothing. They are a representation of the mind that conjured them up. They can mean absolutely nothing. It’s the actions or lack there of that really make the definition. As humans we lie all of the time. Our biggest examples are I’m fine, I love you, and I’m here. None of us are really ever “fine”. Love is something people pick and choose to genuinely give. It’s a blanket term for multitudes of emotion. And the real kicker is “I’m here” As of late I’ve heard “I’m here for you” and “I’m here if you need to talk” more times than I can count. Each time I get more queasy. The only time out of hundreds I’ve heard it, I sit alone. Alone in an inky dark pit drowning. No lifeguards in sight. I feel the tendrils of the monsters pulling me down. No magic floaties or rescuers or even a rope. I’m drowning. My words only filling up the pool as I write. Their words are rain filling up my surroundings. I’m suffocating. My world is growing darker and darker and I’m fading.


I now understand why they call intimate connections magnetism. I feel a pull from some unknown place even while you are so far away out of reach. My very core yearning to just graze your flesh and I know with the slightest touch that I’ll be stuck. My mind already consumed. Just the thought yanks at a cord that’s broken inside of me. Like an itch for a drug. Addicted. Electricity crawling over my skin. It’s such a state I’m in. You are where my thoughts are at 4am. The witching hour, I’m under your spell. A moth drawn to a single light in the dark. Hear my call in your dreams. For my song is for you.  Hear me sing.

My monster won today.
His shadow peeked out from behind the corner, reminding me of his darkness. The inky substance that  my nightmares are made of.
The little girl inside fell apart. Screaming and crying so loud that I couldn’t focus to quiet the whispers of the beast. The screaming continued until the little girl burst into flames. Shooting embers in all directions atracking the monster. But, the monster had vanished.
Instead, it seared into him wacthing from a distance. Burning and blistering him. Then rage came exploding out from the wings of the Phoenix in the form of ice. Shooting ice like little popped balloons, raining like confetti. Finishing off what was left of him. And all that was left was silence. -AM

The end.

20170918_234030-1Love is for the damned. Our epitaph.

The nuke went off. A blinding flash of rage and then nothing. I was a lost soul swimming in the abyss known as purgatory. Floating aimlessly in a corrupted moment of time. My spirit was broken.

At that point, the real breaking point, I was covered in garbage and realized I was no one. I was made into a crumbled love note tossed in with the other undesirables.

I think he got comfortable. He thought well she let me slide then, I’ll slide now and everything will be ok. It’s like he forgot that I’m human. He forgot that I was his partner. It was like literally being a ragdoll. Stitched together by words of torment and hate, I fell apart at the seams. Thread and cotton all around for my shame to be witnessed.

Love, true romantic love is foreign to me now. I’m not even sure of my knowing of it was ever really that or a child’s game. A damned carousel I had no idea I was riding until it stopped and my world continued to spin.

** note** i did the picture accompanying this. I felt any of the others I found didn’t fit.-amm

Dear old friend

Dear old friend, it’s been a while since I dared put pen in hand. Now my words are falling sand. While time passed I lost my flame. I felt my mind going lame. Quietly ferocious.
The storm around me raged and waned, raged and waned. Tumultuous. Tossing and turning the waves swallowed me.
Myself and I have cried and screamed. Pleading. I’ve held on tight, embracing the storm. Hands bleeding.
Pouring crimson in the sand. Conjuring the Phoenix. Soaring above the murky shadow clouds my battle cry echoes. Can you hear it?
It reverberates through the air you breathe and the rain that trails down your flesh. The shiver down your spine. It’s mine.phoenix-1995285_960_720

The moment

She laid with the earth and relished the feeling of cool grass on her flesh. The air around her sizzled with primal raw energy. The wind tickled every inch of her flesh. She began feeling her skin; the smooth and warm softness painted with goosebumps. While she swam in the ecstasy of being one with her mother earth, she felt it couldn’t get better. Then, the heavens opened up and began covering her in it’s tears of joy. Showering her in the love of the gods.918dede73898eb4b8f4c76ded3bca3cc

Why the Idea of a Prohibition on Pornography is Outlandish and Unconstitutional

As early as the late 1800s, the question of a pornographic ban has been debated many times. Different religious, feminist, and human rights groups believe that pornography has a negative impact on society and that it should be abolished. Luckily, we still have people fighting for our First Amendment rights. The United States should not put a ban on pornography because, there would be no definitive line on what would be considered banned, a prohibition on pornography would be a violation on the First Amendment, and if such a ban were to be put in place it would be near impossible to enforce.
If a pornography ban was to be established, what kind of materials would that cover? Would it only include pornographic movies and magazines or would it include all forms of media and entertainment? What would be considered pornography? The word pornography is generally associated with photographs or movies. Some may say books or music could also be included under that label. In an article from the Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection it states that the meaning of the term has been narrowed somewhat to describe sexually explicit material that is considered offensive (Pornography). Offensive is a wide-ranging word. What one person may consider offensive and what someone else may consider offensive would be very different. Who has the right to say which of these opinions are precise? What is actually considered offensive?
On the legal side of things, a prohibition on pornography would directly violate the First Amendment. The first amendment is the freedom of speech and expression. In a Supreme Court hearing mentioned in the Opposing Views article, the Supreme Court ruled that an Indianapolis anti-pornography law was unconstitutional because it banned certain types of speech not because they lacked value but to prevent people from expressing certain viewpoints (Pornography). In the CRS report for Congress, on the subject of obscenity and pornography; it says that, “Most pornography is protected by the first amendment (CRS 5)” The reason it says most; is because some material is not included. What is not integrated is material that the government considers to be obscene pornography. The CRS report states that for pornography to be considered obscene it must “depict or describe patently offensive ‘hardcore’ sexual; conduct (CRS 5)”. There is also an exception for the material that isn’t covered; “One has the right to possess obscene material ‘in the privacy of his own home’ (CRS 6)”. This was also mentioned in the Opposing Viewpoints article, in the case Stanley v. Georgia (1969), the Court seemed to be moving toward the more liberal position. It claimed that the government did not have the right to prevent individuals from possessing pornography in their own homes because the only justification for obscenity laws was to prevent obscene material from falling into the hands of children or offending the general public (pornography). In simpler words, it means that most pornography is covered by the First Amendment and even the materials that are not are covered as long as it is in your own home. So, if the U.S. government were to put a prohibition on pornography it would breach the First Amendment in more ways than one; first by banning certain types of speech in pornography, secondly by prohibiting all of the non-obscene pornography and a third time by prohibiting obscene porn in a person’s possession in their own home.
Lastly, how would our government eliminate all “pornographic” images in the United States? The world is in an age of technology. Even if the government closed down all sex shops and banned the sell of pornographic books and movies, it would be near impossible to remove it all from the internet. Anyone with a camera or cell phone could make their own from home. Then, it would only take a matter of seconds to upload for download online. Also, almost every book, movie, music video, and television show has sexual content. Would that be banned as well? Almost all advertisements contain sexual content or innuendos also. It would be a next to impossible feat to remove pornography in the United States.
People have been trying to have pornography banned since the invention of photography. In Tim LaHaye’s article, he is quoted saying, “Nothing speeds up a normal person’s decency into the maelstrom of indecency faster than pornography (LaHaye 180)”. This is a common idea found in many anti-porn arguments. It is all speculation with no real evidence to back it up. People like LaHaye want to get such a ban passed in America. If they had it their way, America would revert back to the days when women wore only dresses that had to be to their ankles. We would slowly lose our rights and become one big cookie cutter image of a nation. Where would the line be drawn? Most television shows and movies would be banned. Social media would be even stricter than it is today. The government would have full control over anything you post or upload. Culturally speaking, we would revert back to the early 1960’s. That is not the future I want to see for the great country of the United States of America.

Works Cited
Cohen, Henry. “CRS Report for Congress Freedom of Speech and Press: Exceptions to the First Amendment” 2008: 5-6. PDF file. 23 November 2014.
LaHaye, Tim. “The Mental Poison.” Pornography: Private Right or Public Menace? Eds. Robert M. Baird and Stuart E. Rosenbaum. Buffalo: Prometheus Books, 1991. 177-182.Print.
“Pornography.” Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection. Detroit: Gale, 2014. Opposing Viewpoints in Context. Web. 23 Nov. 2014.

Love and Friendship

Friendship and love are two things so close in nature that more often than not that they intertwine. Some people become part of who we are, some become family, and sometimes they become distant memories.
Love is one of those things that never could truly be described. It’s a feeling so joyous that it is greater than any drug. It can also be as deadly. Either from overdose or having it torn away from you.
Friendship is yet another indescribable word because it can have so many meanings. To me a friend is someone who has your back no matter what. A friend is someone who you can call when you need someone to talk to and they will answer. A friend is someone who is there for you even when your own family won’t be. Above all a friend is someone who will pick you up when you fall.
But then sometimes, something amazing happens and you find love in friendship. Not necessarily the intimate kind but a feeling of closeness that is inseparable. No matter what hell fires may come your way, they will walk through the flames with you and help you conquer your demons and accept the darker parts of your soul.

From: the child left behind

I often sit and wonder why; why do you hate me? What did I do wrong? Was it something I said or that silly song?
Fate had it written in the stars for us. We were both born on the same day and under the same moon. If it was the wrong time, what is wrong with the now? Would you tell me the truth?
I looked long and hard for years to find you. I went through hell. I never told you that because I promised I’d never tell. I had given up hope. I had waited so long to meet you. You were the mysterious mystery to the other half of me. I was so excited to be shut down. All of the pain just to be turned away.
I guess there isn’t much to say. I’m sure you’ll just throw this note away. But, before you do ponder these. Do I deserve to never know why I was never good enough? Do my children deserve to be shunned too without even a meeting? What shall god’s judgment be when the chapter where I was thrown away because your wish was not fulfilled comes up?
Good bye forever, good bye for always, because never ever your baby I’ll be.Ashley Mae