The end.

20170918_234030-1Love is for the damned. Our epitaph.

The nuke went off. A blinding flash of rage and then nothing. I was a lost soul swimming in the abyss known as purgatory. Floating aimlessly in a corrupted moment of time. My spirit was broken.

At that point, the real breaking point, I was covered in garbage and realized I was no one. I was made into a crumbled love note tossed in with the other undesirables.

I think he got comfortable. He thought well she let me slide then, I’ll slide now and everything will be ok. It’s like he forgot that I’m human. He forgot that I was his partner. It was like literally being a ragdoll. Stitched together by words of torment and hate, I fell apart at the seams. Thread and cotton all around for my shame to be witnessed.

Love, true romantic love is foreign to me now. I’m not even sure of my knowing of it was ever really that or a child’s game. A damned carousel I had no idea I was riding until it stopped and my world continued to spin.

** note** i did the picture accompanying this. I felt any of the others I found didn’t fit.-amm


Dear old friend

Dear old friend, it’s been a while since I dared put pen in hand. Now my words are falling sand. While time passed I lost my flame. I felt my mind going lame. Quietly ferocious.
The storm around me raged and waned, raged and waned. Tumultuous. Tossing and turning the waves swallowed me.
Myself and I have cried and screamed. Pleading. I’ve held on tight, embracing the storm. Hands bleeding.
Pouring crimson in the sand. Conjuring the Phoenix. Soaring above the murky shadow clouds my battle cry echoes. Can you hear it?
It reverberates through the air you breathe and the rain that trails down your flesh. The shiver down your spine. It’s mine.phoenix-1995285_960_720

The moment

She laid with the earth and relished the feeling of cool grass on her flesh. The air around her sizzled with primal raw energy. The wind tickled every inch of her flesh. She began feeling her skin; the smooth and warm softness painted with goosebumps. While she swam in the ecstasy of being one with her mother earth, she felt it couldn’t get better. Then, the heavens opened up and began covering her in it’s tears of joy. Showering her in the love of the gods.918dede73898eb4b8f4c76ded3bca3cc

Why the Idea of a Prohibition on Pornography is Outlandish and Unconstitutional

As early as the late 1800s, the question of a pornographic ban has been debated many times. Different religious, feminist, and human rights groups believe that pornography has a negative impact on society and that it should be abolished. Luckily, we still have people fighting for our First Amendment rights. The United States should not put a ban on pornography because, there would be no definitive line on what would be considered banned, a prohibition on pornography would be a violation on the First Amendment, and if such a ban were to be put in place it would be near impossible to enforce.
If a pornography ban was to be established, what kind of materials would that cover? Would it only include pornographic movies and magazines or would it include all forms of media and entertainment? What would be considered pornography? The word pornography is generally associated with photographs or movies. Some may say books or music could also be included under that label. In an article from the Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection it states that the meaning of the term has been narrowed somewhat to describe sexually explicit material that is considered offensive (Pornography). Offensive is a wide-ranging word. What one person may consider offensive and what someone else may consider offensive would be very different. Who has the right to say which of these opinions are precise? What is actually considered offensive?
On the legal side of things, a prohibition on pornography would directly violate the First Amendment. The first amendment is the freedom of speech and expression. In a Supreme Court hearing mentioned in the Opposing Views article, the Supreme Court ruled that an Indianapolis anti-pornography law was unconstitutional because it banned certain types of speech not because they lacked value but to prevent people from expressing certain viewpoints (Pornography). In the CRS report for Congress, on the subject of obscenity and pornography; it says that, “Most pornography is protected by the first amendment (CRS 5)” The reason it says most; is because some material is not included. What is not integrated is material that the government considers to be obscene pornography. The CRS report states that for pornography to be considered obscene it must “depict or describe patently offensive ‘hardcore’ sexual; conduct (CRS 5)”. There is also an exception for the material that isn’t covered; “One has the right to possess obscene material ‘in the privacy of his own home’ (CRS 6)”. This was also mentioned in the Opposing Viewpoints article, in the case Stanley v. Georgia (1969), the Court seemed to be moving toward the more liberal position. It claimed that the government did not have the right to prevent individuals from possessing pornography in their own homes because the only justification for obscenity laws was to prevent obscene material from falling into the hands of children or offending the general public (pornography). In simpler words, it means that most pornography is covered by the First Amendment and even the materials that are not are covered as long as it is in your own home. So, if the U.S. government were to put a prohibition on pornography it would breach the First Amendment in more ways than one; first by banning certain types of speech in pornography, secondly by prohibiting all of the non-obscene pornography and a third time by prohibiting obscene porn in a person’s possession in their own home.
Lastly, how would our government eliminate all “pornographic” images in the United States? The world is in an age of technology. Even if the government closed down all sex shops and banned the sell of pornographic books and movies, it would be near impossible to remove it all from the internet. Anyone with a camera or cell phone could make their own from home. Then, it would only take a matter of seconds to upload for download online. Also, almost every book, movie, music video, and television show has sexual content. Would that be banned as well? Almost all advertisements contain sexual content or innuendos also. It would be a next to impossible feat to remove pornography in the United States.
People have been trying to have pornography banned since the invention of photography. In Tim LaHaye’s article, he is quoted saying, “Nothing speeds up a normal person’s decency into the maelstrom of indecency faster than pornography (LaHaye 180)”. This is a common idea found in many anti-porn arguments. It is all speculation with no real evidence to back it up. People like LaHaye want to get such a ban passed in America. If they had it their way, America would revert back to the days when women wore only dresses that had to be to their ankles. We would slowly lose our rights and become one big cookie cutter image of a nation. Where would the line be drawn? Most television shows and movies would be banned. Social media would be even stricter than it is today. The government would have full control over anything you post or upload. Culturally speaking, we would revert back to the early 1960’s. That is not the future I want to see for the great country of the United States of America.

Works Cited
Cohen, Henry. “CRS Report for Congress Freedom of Speech and Press: Exceptions to the First Amendment” 2008: 5-6. PDF file. 23 November 2014.
LaHaye, Tim. “The Mental Poison.” Pornography: Private Right or Public Menace? Eds. Robert M. Baird and Stuart E. Rosenbaum. Buffalo: Prometheus Books, 1991. 177-182.Print.
“Pornography.” Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection. Detroit: Gale, 2014. Opposing Viewpoints in Context. Web. 23 Nov. 2014.

Love and Friendship

Friendship and love are two things so close in nature that more often than not that they intertwine. Some people become part of who we are, some become family, and sometimes they become distant memories.
Love is one of those things that never could truly be described. It’s a feeling so joyous that it is greater than any drug. It can also be as deadly. Either from overdose or having it torn away from you.
Friendship is yet another indescribable word because it can have so many meanings. To me a friend is someone who has your back no matter what. A friend is someone who you can call when you need someone to talk to and they will answer. A friend is someone who is there for you even when your own family won’t be. Above all a friend is someone who will pick you up when you fall.
But then sometimes, something amazing happens and you find love in friendship. Not necessarily the intimate kind but a feeling of closeness that is inseparable. No matter what hell fires may come your way, they will walk through the flames with you and help you conquer your demons and accept the darker parts of your soul.

From: the child left behind

I often sit and wonder why; why do you hate me? What did I do wrong? Was it something I said or that silly song?
Fate had it written in the stars for us. We were both born on the same day and under the same moon. If it was the wrong time, what is wrong with the now? Would you tell me the truth?
I looked long and hard for years to find you. I went through hell. I never told you that because I promised I’d never tell. I had given up hope. I had waited so long to meet you. You were the mysterious mystery to the other half of me. I was so excited to be shut down. All of the pain just to be turned away.
I guess there isn’t much to say. I’m sure you’ll just throw this note away. But, before you do ponder these. Do I deserve to never know why I was never good enough? Do my children deserve to be shunned too without even a meeting? What shall god’s judgment be when the chapter where I was thrown away because your wish was not fulfilled comes up?
Good bye forever, good bye for always, because never ever your baby I’ll be.Ashley Mae


I am a doll. I’m kept in a box and only to be cherished whenever I start to fall apart. I get stitched at torn seams as my pieces begin to separate. Only handled with care when my destruction goes too far. I am held together but my stuffing still shows. When I can, I poke it back in because I don’t want my insides to be seen. I have added patches here and there to hide pieces of myself, to hide scars I don’t want others to see. I have stitched on a smile. It’s permanently there to hide what’s really inside. Sometimes the monster comes along and tries to pry out my stitches but I quickly stitch myself back up and I hide my thread in a tiny bag. Sometimes I get played with. Sometimes I am just taken out to be tossed around. I am a rag doll.


I have made a new monster today. She is ugly. A monster who tried to be different from the rest. She tried and tried to prove she wasn’t what everyone said. Most of her life people told her things she was. Each new name or taunt became another scar that marred her skin to make her look like what they wanted. Being hit with stones and lashed with whips caused her skin to callous. She became cold and hardened to the world. She just wanted people to let her be. She wanted to be alone. She sat in the shadows. She played in the dark. Over time she met a light and it became her dearest friend. Throughout the friendship it burned her here and there. Adding more scars, covering her skin. One day, she came across a mirror. Her eyes were opened and she realized all of her fears. She was the monster everyone called her for years. Tears filled her eyes, she didn’t know what to do. She began to run. Only to return to her cage that had hid her from the sun. The ghosts they spoke to her, jeering from their shadows. She bowed her head and began to cry again. She whispered to herself, this isn’t me. I am not who they want me to be. She began to walk again, floating like a dream. I am her and she is me.

I dreamt of my monster last night.

I dreamt of my monster last night. I awoke with tears coming out of my eyes. No matter where I hide, he always finds me. I am terrified to dream. All day I get lost in snippets of lost memories. Things I try so hard to forget. It is maddening. I haven’t been able to focus. Tonight I lie awake. The memories are continuing to flood my walls. My tortured pets, my crushed soul, and all of the silent screams haunt me. He taunts me. I can not see him. But I know he is near. The devil is always hiding in my deepest fears. Tonight blood will be shed while I fight these demons in my head.


Even before I made it to this world, my life was forming in sadness and tragedy….
Before I came to be, mommy and daddy were in love. They spent years devoted to each other. One day my mommy found out she was pregnant. She was scared. When she told my dad, he ran away. He said the only way he would stay is if she killed me. She said no. Even though she would be facing a life of statistical warfare, she had hope and faith that I would be worth it. He disappeared into the shadows. My grandmother who made a beautiful angel was dying. Withering away with the poison known as cancer. She died one month before I was born. In a distant memory I can feel her wings wrapped around me. I came way before my time. I almost died.