A small preview I need some feedback.

I have been working on a novel for a while now. As a reader I know the first couple of pages mean everything and even more important is the first paragraph. I am going to post the the intro. It’s king of a mini chapter in the beginning. Does it make you want to read more? Does it need more information? Any feed back would be great!! 😀

“So, what did your husband say when you told him about your dream?”

“He told me talk to you.” Lee hated seeing her shrink. She was twenty-five years old and hated being treated like an incompetent child. For eight months she has had to deal with him blabbing on and on about feelings and subconscious emotions.

“So how does that make you feel?”

Like I want to stick your pen in my ear. “I dunno.”

“You have to feel something.”

I feel like going home and taking a nap. “Tired.”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing. Are we almost done? I need to go home and get dinner started.”

“There is fifteen minutes left.” For the next 20 minutes Dr.Wacko went on and on about relaxation techniques for her to try before bed and new medication used to relieve stress and help her sleep. By the time she left his office, her back hurt and she needed a smoke. As she got into her car, she pulled out her cigs and lit one. She sat there wondering how she went from being a happy new mother to being on the edge of losing her mind and on several anti-depressants. It’s these damn dreams. I am so tired of not getting any sleep and if I do, she won’t leave me alone. At least my “self-conscious” is pretty, even though she is completely psycho.

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By ashmkoehler Posted in writing

5 comments on “A small preview I need some feedback.

    • Thank you. I’ve finished a little over a third of the novel. I think it is turning out well. I was a little worried about the intro just because it actually is an excerpt from later in the book. But it was actually the first thing I wrote and the story has unraveled from there.

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  1. why of course i want to read more! content wise, yay! maybe make it say “relaxation techniques” though instead of “relaxing techniques” bc relaxation is a noun and relaxing is an adjective which makes it sound like the techniques are chilling out, lol 😉 i like the italicized sarcasm in her head before she responds.

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      • i get it … we re-read our own stuff so many times analyzing that our eye misses the dotted i stuff 😉 if i don’t consciously do a careful reading looking just for grammar stuff i’d be in trouble! even then i’ll go back some time later and look over something older and go ‘how’d i miss that!’

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