chronological sonnets (some things I have written over time.)

(Present) I am writing this today because I am tired of trying to hide. I want my story told, I’m done keeping it inside. As you begin to read it, it will slowly all unfold. Here are my memories that I hold. I will try to keep it simple, try to keep it light. Just let it be known I cannot tell a lie.

(9) I sit and wonder why I have to sit alone, when there are three other people home. I sit in this room thinking about outside, all the happy voices on the other side. I lie awake at night, hungry and confused. Everywhere I touch I feel a bump or bruise. I wonder what is wrong with me. What is so different about the other three? In the morning I get to go outside. I have to go to school but everything I hide. I want to scream and cry. I want to tell this story of mine. But I love her. She is everything I have. If I tell the truth, He will be very mad. Then it will be my fault, then she will be sad and I might just lose everything I ever had. – Me

(12) Today I am elated, she tells me just a little longer. I feel my soul begin to brighten. The end is near. No more screams and no more tears. The devil will run and never return. I may get to feel the sun. Several more days of fear and shun. No more planning of trying to run. We will be free when that day comes. – Me

(13-present) Today I met a boy. He was nice to me. He was holding a book by Bruce Lee. He said how are you and kick me in the ribs. He was kind of strange but he was cute. So I did. I wanted to get to know him. Who was this kid? We hung out for some minutes and didn’t want to part. But his friends were waiting and it was getting dark. Fate has a funny way. Years later we would meet and we wore matching casts. He said do I know you and I said from the past. He smiled very sweetly and he took my hand. The two of us would be together and forever we would stand. Now a decade later that boy is a man. By god we are made together until we lay in the land.

(14) All the voices they criticize me. Tell me they hate me. They say I am nobody and people want to see me gone. Tell me that I am stupid and I’m an ugly one. I go home alone to find no one there. I look in the mirror and I stare. I am ugly and no one cares. I go outback to put my feelings in the air. Nothing helps and I begin to cry. I take a little pill that’s supposed to make it better. My eyes keep getting wetter. Another pill that will do the trick, something needs to click. Beginning to grow numb, these little pills are fun. I take two more with a flick of my thumb. My insides begin to swirl and the world is coming undone. Mom comes in from a night of fun. What have you done?! I have made the voices stop but I’m afraid the silence is too much. I am afraid I have brought my life to a close.

(14) Today I met a crazy girl. She kind of scares me. She is very bubbly and nothing at all like me. She is very happy and she wants to be my friend. She is something very different in this wonderland. We decide to dance and celebrate. Around her I feel free. That night we go to a place with dancing lights and people galore. We decide to drink and drink some more. We drank and danced until my guts began to pour. Then a knight appeared right by my side and he took my hand. If you’ll have me I’ll be your man. Within three days, everything has changed.

Truth

My hand writes what ears are to busy to hear and mouths are too afraid to say.

We are crammed into a building, seven families in one. One family barely surviving, one flying away on drugs, the other rising above bringing them down. Two families are fighting for space and tranquility. One family has no where to go and then another is all alone. Together we work to make the best of what we have. All around us things are bad. We see people dying, of poison, of hunger, of sadness. This is the life of America’s “lower” middle class. This is our apartment. -Ashley Mae

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