The end.

20170918_234030-1Love is for the damned. Our epitaph.

The nuke went off. A blinding flash of rage and then nothing. I was a lost soul swimming in the abyss known as purgatory. Floating aimlessly in a corrupted moment of time. My spirit was broken.

At that point, the real breaking point, I was covered in garbage and realized I was no one. I was made into a crumbled love note tossed in with the other undesirables.

I think he got comfortable. He thought well she let me slide then, I’ll slide now and everything will be ok. It’s like he forgot that I’m human. He forgot that I was his partner. It was like literally being a ragdoll. Stitched together by words of torment and hate, I fell apart at the seams. Thread and cotton all around for my shame to be witnessed.

Love, true romantic love is foreign to me now. I’m not even sure of my knowing of it was ever really that or a child’s game. A damned carousel I had no idea I was riding until it stopped and my world continued to spin.

** note** i did the picture accompanying this. I felt any of the others I found didn’t fit.-amm


Dear old friend

Dear old friend, it’s been a while since I dared put pen in hand. Now my words are falling sand. While time passed I lost my flame. I felt my mind going lame. Quietly ferocious.
The storm around me raged and waned, raged and waned. Tumultuous. Tossing and turning the waves swallowed me.
Myself and I have cried and screamed. Pleading. I’ve held on tight, embracing the storm. Hands bleeding.
Pouring crimson in the sand. Conjuring the Phoenix. Soaring above the murky shadow clouds my battle cry echoes. Can you hear it?
It reverberates through the air you breathe and the rain that trails down your flesh. The shiver down your spine. It’s mine.phoenix-1995285_960_720

The moment

She laid with the earth and relished the feeling of cool grass on her flesh. The air around her sizzled with primal raw energy. The wind tickled every inch of her flesh. She began feeling her skin; the smooth and warm softness painted with goosebumps. While she swam in the ecstasy of being one with her mother earth, she felt it couldn’t get better. Then, the heavens opened up and began covering her in it’s tears of joy. Showering her in the love of the gods.918dede73898eb4b8f4c76ded3bca3cc

From: the child left behind

I often sit and wonder why; why do you hate me? What did I do wrong? Was it something I said or that silly song?
Fate had it written in the stars for us. We were both born on the same day and under the same moon. If it was the wrong time, what is wrong with the now? Would you tell me the truth?
I looked long and hard for years to find you. I went through hell. I never told you that because I promised I’d never tell. I had given up hope. I had waited so long to meet you. You were the mysterious mystery to the other half of me. I was so excited to be shut down. All of the pain just to be turned away.
I guess there isn’t much to say. I’m sure you’ll just throw this note away. But, before you do ponder these. Do I deserve to never know why I was never good enough? Do my children deserve to be shunned too without even a meeting? What shall god’s judgment be when the chapter where I was thrown away because your wish was not fulfilled comes up?
Good bye forever, good bye for always, because never ever your baby I’ll be.Ashley Mae

Like snow

Never being able to make you happy, is both painful and suffocating. It chokes until all emotions dwindle, dwin, dw……
When nothing is left, no one notices. When the embers catch a glow and the excitement stirs, all I get are shady stares and snide remarks. Eventually it snuffs out the flame completely.
I feel myself growing cold and my pain becoming numb. I feel like you are a walking contradiction. I do what you want but it is never enough. You only notice when I stop. I try so hard and I grow tired. The only emotion you show is anger. Every time it’s a bigger blow. Every time I feel myself crumbling into snowflakes. Each piece floating away to melt on contact. Never to be seen again.


The anticipation is growing and doing it fast. It will happen tonight, at last. I can’t stop smiling but my nerves are shot. I can barely think. I can’t keep still. I can’t wait to stand before you. I want your hands on me. Thinking about it makes it hard to breathe. I can’t wait to see the look on your face. Thinking about it makes my heart begin to race. You want a taste? Come and get it. I’ll let you do whatever you want. As long as you promise not to stop. Oh dear, I am getting hot. I’m tired of waiting. So meet me here. I wait with bated breath.


Down. Down. Down. It goes deeper than I could have known. Forever worse than the time before. It won’t let me sleep. I wish it would leave. In the mornings it smiles at me with its wicked grin. At night it whispers its songs in my ear. Every note is an old fear. Every lyric is something I want to forget. Sometimes I beg and plead. Sometimes I am silent and cry. No matter how hard I try, it won’t leave me alone. The monster creeps in every chance it gets. In my dreams it plays memories and it laughs as if all of it’s hearts sinister desires came true. I try not to let it get to me. I know my emotions are its biggest tool. But I can be foolish and let its sorrow surround me. That is when I begin typing because as I begin to let the words flow, the feelings begin to lessen and I begin to grow numb. That is when it sulks away until next time.

I can feel you

    I can feel you staring from behind. I am getting shivers down my spine. Every hair is standing on end. I can feel you wanting and needing. My heart is pounding. I can feel it too. My mind is spinning with the possibilities. Now I am grinning and I cannot stop. My heart is racing, I fear it will pop. I hear nothing but silence, the words unsaid. As you move closer, energy builds. A storm cloud that can only be felt. I mourn the thought of not saying a word. I then stall and in a moment I lost it all.


There once was a girl who lived in a cage. She was trapped to forever feel his rage. One day she felt such pain, that she actually cried. She was sure that she was going to die. All she wanted to do was fly.

Once the beast left, she knew it was her chance. Out of her window, the little one jumped. She frequently ran to try and get lost. She would try and hide but knew he’d come. She never got free for very long.

He knew she’d try and find someone to tell. Unlucky for her she would never prevail. The devil always took her back to hell. Back to her cell locked up tight. That little girl stayed strong and didn’t give up her fight. She would fight so hard with all of her might.

Through all of the pain and horrible sights, she knew in her heart that there was light. Then one day out of the blue, the monster said that he was through. That girl actually survived her terrible blight. 


In an open room

I can not see. I can only feel. It seems more than real. Every touch is electric. Every kiss is soft as a feather.

My hands are bound. I can not move. I am at the mercy of you. Please be sweet. Please be rough. I felt you leave, where did you go? I feel anticipation down to my toes. What comes next, I do not know. I can feel your stare. I am nervous laying here bare.

But next thing I know, here you are. You kiss my neck and touch my flesh. I can feel a pounding in my chest and a shiver down my spine. You are taking your time. This is torture. This is insane. These sensations are racking my brain. My hips are moving, my legs are shaking. Why must you do me this way? When I get free I will make you pay. I’m begging you, what do you want me to say?

Then all at once, everything stills and I get what I want. In that moment, I am at your will. Together we move all as one. One by one I feel a small explosion until I erupt. In this moment I am stuck. I fall to pieces, floating away. In euphoria, here I lay.