Down. Down. Down. It goes deeper than I could have known. Forever worse than the time before. It won’t let me sleep. I wish it would leave. In the mornings it smiles at me with its wicked grin. At night it whispers its songs in my ear. Every note is an old fear. Every lyric is something I want to forget. Sometimes I beg and plead. Sometimes I am silent and cry. No matter how hard I try, it won’t leave me alone. The monster creeps in every chance it gets. In my dreams it plays memories and it laughs as if all of it’s hearts sinister desires came true. I try not to let it get to me. I know my emotions are its biggest tool. But I can be foolish and let its sorrow surround me. That is when I begin typing because as I begin to let the words flow, the feelings begin to lessen and I begin to grow numb. That is when it sulks away until next time.
I heed not that my earthly lot hath little of earth in it, that years of love had been forgot in the hatred of a minute. I mourn not that the desolate are happier, sweet than I. But that you sorrow for my fate for whom I am a passerby. – Edgar Allen Poe
This is my favorite poem of all time. I can connect with this on so many different levels, through so many different periods in my life. It is a very interesting piece. I think I get what he is saying. I have asked a few people that I know what they got out of it and it was very different from what I see. To me he is saying ” I do not care that I don’t have much or that our relationship has ended. He doesn’t care if people seem to be enjoying life more than he is but, he is sorry for those that pity him.”
I have heard in more or less words that he seems to be a miserable guy but I don’t see it that way. I think he was very content with what he had. I am kind of curious as to what other people get out of it. Let me know what you think.
When I am alone my thoughts begin to swirl. They flow up and down and all around. I never know where they will go. Sometimes I remember. Sometimes I imagine. I think of places I wish I was and places I have been. I think of thoughts and conversations. I think of people I miss and people I don’t know. It never seems to slow.
I end up here. I end up there. It can be quite dizzying. When I try to stop them, they speed up as if they do not care. But when I want to write them down they laugh and disappear.
I have been working on a novel for a while now. As a reader I know the first couple of pages mean everything and even more important is the first paragraph. I am going to post the the intro. It’s king of a mini chapter in the beginning. Does it make you want to read more? Does it need more information? Any feed back would be great!! 😀
“So, what did your husband say when you told him about your dream?”
“He told me talk to you.” Lee hated seeing her shrink. She was twenty-five years old and hated being treated like an incompetent child. For eight months she has had to deal with him blabbing on and on about feelings and subconscious emotions.
“So how does that make you feel?”
Like I want to stick your pen in my ear. “I dunno.”
“You have to feel something.”
I feel like going home and taking a nap. “Tired.”
“Nothing. Are we almost done? I need to go home and get dinner started.”
“There is fifteen minutes left.” For the next 20 minutes Dr.Wacko went on and on about relaxation techniques for her to try before bed and new medication used to relieve stress and help her sleep. By the time she left his office, her back hurt and she needed a smoke. As she got into her car, she pulled out her cigs and lit one. She sat there wondering how she went from being a happy new mother to being on the edge of losing her mind and on several anti-depressants. It’s these damn dreams. I am so tired of not getting any sleep and if I do, she won’t leave me alone. At least my “self-conscious” is pretty, even though she is completely psycho.
I started writing because I wanted to inspire others. I write because it is a good outlet for me to let out my thoughts and feelings out and because I love it. I want to continue writing because I want other people to know they are not alone. You are not alone in your fears, your ambitions, or your emotions.
Today something amazing happened. I was just doing my daily ritual of face-booking and checking in on a family member in the hospital. By pure chance I met a woman. (you will know who you are) We found out we had similar interest and began talking. She is an amazing writer. After a while she told me I inspired her to write for the first time in months. That is a big deal. For a true writer to go without writing, is like a bird sitting in a cage. It is damaging for the soul. And for her to tell me I inspired her to do what she loves made me feel like I was about to burst with joy.
I wanted to share a few things with you guys. First, please never give up. I don’t care what it is, keep doing it. Second, always take the opportunity to help others. Get to know the people around you, you never know when even just a smile can turns somebodies week around. Lastly, do something today, right now to put you one step closer to your goal. Even if it is as small as putting down your phone and walking outside. Do it.
Here is a great link for any writer’s looking to get their work out there. Also like them on Facebook. Some of their posts have really helped me. ❤ http://www.aerogrammestudio.com/2014/07/15/opportunities-writers-august-september-2014/
Have an amazing day. ❤ – AM