I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything hurts. I’ll be ok for a moment and then my brain blurts things that open the wounds fresh. I wasn’t ok then and I’m not ok now. How could I be. I’ve seen things I don’t want to see and know things that make me want to blow it away like chalk dust. And I can’t. I can fake a smile sometimes. It takes everything in me. I feel a piece of me is gone. Will it ever get better? I don’t think it will. Everytime I let myself still it comes rushing in waves like the most violent of hurricanes. Rain pouring down my face. Waves crashing in my chest and it feels like drowning. I’m sinking and all I can smell is the rotting pit in my stomach. Filling my mouth with bile so vile I just want to spit it out and I can’t. What I can do is fake a smile.
Musings of Me 